Reddit Haikus

People are crazy.
     All circles are upside down.
Squares are right side up.

If you deviate
     from the plan, get back on it.
You can't change the past.

He's come to learn who
     mother and father refers
to just like our names.

Obviously you
     have never tried intercourse
with hot sauce for lube.

These tacos will be
     used to do things like increase
engine performance.

There is no excuse
     for thugs to rule the hood' just
cause they think they can.

Well, to all of you,
     I say good. That's what happens
when real trade takes place.

You used the plural
     ("consequences"). They only
knew that they would die.

Are you sure you want
     to close all programs and shut
down the computer?

Wipe off the snow from
     your nose and lean back and you
should be good to go.

Porn addiction is
     actually one of the hardest
things to quit I've found.

If I'm right I look
     like a genius, if I'm wrong
I look retarded.

i made horrible
     choices but i know she is
the person i want.

I don't know about
     all that, but it has always
been easy for me.

But on the Mac side,
     the cost differential is
more esoteric.

Obama knows this,
     hence why he is so desperate
to get a deal. Ha!

I want that! I don't
     care who to. I just want that!
Can confirm. Owned one.

He wasn't the least
     bit sympathetic about
my pleas in the car.

This would be like you
     getting caught up in Russian
cyber policy.

"They put everyone
     in a big circle and then
do them one by one.

"Please sir, just stay there,
     don't do anything rash while
I wait for backup!"

This is why you should
     have no part in deciding
the fate of mankind.

It doesn't even
     have any wheels No, no Tom
Hanks in the movie.

If that were simple
     to implement they probably
would have already.

Palestine honors
     the criminals who murdered
innocent people.

Worse than Dominos
     I honestly didn't enjoy
Skyward Sword as much.

I have lived my life
     where firearms are as common
as automobiles.

I feel like we should
     let them be recruited just
to be rid of them.

It's all in your head.
     Happy Birthday! Hope it is
one to remember!

Hypothetically,
     this new approach might let them
get away with it.

I knew that as soon
     as I stopped with the milk I'd
go back to normal.

And the best part is
     that her friend knows too and is
just playing along.

That's exactly why
     I watch videos like these,
for moment like this.

Is it just me or
     does it look like Owen's nose
is a bit broken?

It's only legal
     for a little while longer.
Three, two, one, zero!

And of course if one
     finger is wet, chances are
the others are too.

can you explain why
     the water doesn't drain by
seeping through the rocks?

Looks quite excellent.
     Like legit asian takeout.
How did you cook it?

Houston and Dallas
     are cities with no zoning,
and they are booming.

That and the camera
     seems to be zoomed in too close
much of the time. Why?

I've had too many
     bikes stolen to want to mess
with them anymore.

Over all I'd say
     he is very balanced if
you know how he plays.

Or take a day trip
     up to Toronto and just
walk around downtown.

Maybe Murray too.
     I'd drop Ivory for Herron
no questions asked though.

If you are living
     outdoors, you would much rather
live in mild weather.

And, of course, BREASTS. Man..
     None of my friends have stolen
anything for me.

Why? He's a lot more
     experienced than I am
and a lot smarter.

The next thing you are
     telling me is that you don't
like eating children?

I wanted to throw
     War and Peace, but it was on
my Kindle, so no.

Especially because
     the whole thing could be sidestepped
by *gasp* a cell phone.

Since that night, I've had
     better sex, and also worse
sex and that's okay.

We're not martyrs, we're
     not volunteers, and we most
certainly aren't saints.

Call me crazy but
     the magic of the 80s should
stay in that era.

You get in that van
     and do whatever it takes
to *get that candy!

This guy posts about
     how bad the marauder is
and i refute him.

They attempt to eat
     almost anything Truly,
Lack of God is great.

When we say nothing,
     believe it or not, we may
just actually mean it.

Do greatness. I just
     went there, there a lot of white
people on that site.

It would be the top
     story on every single
news site in the world.

With an audible
     and dramatic sigh Audrey
jabbed at her keyboard.

Place road directly
     over river and the bridge
will create itself.

You don't really care
     either way, but regardless
he is getting dressed.

If you, as a man,
     don't want to be a parent,
you **do** have options.

Thanks for the answers.
     Pistols all get registered
at time of purchase.

For better or worse,
     they do **NOT** negotiate.
The price is the price.

I'm trying not to wake
     my boyfriend with the shaking
bed from my crying.

I SAY TO YOU, THERE'S
     NOTHING WRONG, GIVE ME A STICK
AND I'LL SING ALONG.

My mate had it, then
     he updated his drivers
and it worked. Try it.

I didn't know we were
     being graded on spelling
and punctuation.

"Women" aspect is
     just one that blew up. (WARNING!
Sarcasm below!)

Probably shit myself.
     I mean, I'd die happy right
after a good poop.

It's Christmas season,
     go out and see if you can
snag a good deal now.

Thanks for these insights.
     Much appreciated! Um.
So which one is which?

Oh, for heaven's sake
     mankind, it's ONLY four light
years away, you know!

Land of kinda short,
     often kinda stocky, most
often fit women.

They're all huge except
     for Pig, who is pretty small
in comparison.

That particular
     piece has not been performed yet,
so it's hard to say.

I would love to such
     you off. This is beautiful.
Cant wait anymore.

And a chance to see
     termite penis was too good
to pass up, baby.

If it is, why aren't
     we letting kids watch hardcore
porn or something too?

My mom passed away
     from me a few days after
my 16th birthday.

at least you're eating
     vegetables, which is better
than lots of people.

Friends and family are
     very, very important.
"God"? Not relevant.

We're genuinely
     more interested in who you
are as a person.

Why does this happen?
     Who knows. Why do parasites
and suffering exist?

Seattle and South
     Florida work on the same
principles, I see.

All of the healers
     were given the same problem,
no mobility.

Was anyone else
     expecting to see a bird
rather than a breast?

Didn't you hear? Goons are
     out to destroy everything.
Fight the goon menace.

North Carolina
     style BBQ is the best
out there. Exactly.

Just go for someone
     that makes you feel good about
yourself already!

Well, I think there are
     some reasons to hate this guy.
Dunno about this.

Something that would not
     have been possible if you
didn't have that one month.

Just someone I felt
     comfortable talking to,
who would just listen.

We also had troops
     engaging specifically
in combat missions.

One of my favorite
     time travel movies. Thank you.
I did check it out.

If anyone is
     interested, I could post more
about this later.

"I understand you
     are ze expert when it comes
to Pumpernickel.

I thought the series
     overall was pretty good
as I was watching.

There are many myths
     out there, and the Christian myth
is just one of them.

It still doesn't make
     much sense, but at least it's not
totally random.

Had she died in her
     sleep, we would not be having
this conversation.

Then I thought about
     what my cats do when they see
something run! They pounce...

To be fair, like half
     the cool things in the country
are in your time zone.

Being better than
     average is good so don't be
afraid about it.

Try talking to her
     about the issues, without
the euphemisms.

Lets say I show up
     at a local firehouse
and say I want in.

Community on
     DVD You really don't
know until you try.

Am I the only
     one who thinks OP's story is
the only story?

Not that that detracts
     from the other guy also
being an asshole.

Except that I'm not.
     I do not hate or wish ill
upon anyone.

I know for a fact
     that people would never lie
on the internet.

Worst time of my life.
     Still, I'm a polite person.
A nod or a wave.

All I can say is
     that it gets better after
the second season.

Believe it or not,
     many systems don't even
have an interface.

You clearly have no
     idea how much food is
produced in the US.

That correlation
     doesn't necessarily
imply causation.

She could have voted
     against, abstained, or spoken
out against the war.

Are you limiting
     yourself to other Native
American guys?

The internet can
     be the biggest time sink there
is so stay away.

Ah, no, I wasn't
     really meaning to imply
anything like that.

Body starts to rot.
     Body falls apart at joints.
Ankle comes apart.

But one time, the head
     artist free handed a piece
on a customer.

vanilla server
     ran fine for me on a p4
with a gig of ram.

I think gasoline
     in the garden would get me
in some deep trouble.

Helen's reply was
     disappointing and came off
as condescending.

It does *not* require
     faith for you *not* to believe
I'm hung like a horse.

Girlfriends are like jobs.
     Once you get one, it's easy
to get another.

It was really tough.
     And made me think of the day
I will lose my dog.

To air out your nips?
     His stories have been proven
to be all bullshit.

Do your best to act
     out of compassion for her
as well as yourself.

[deleted] Call her
     and in a rushed voice ask her
what size ring she wears.

It's a very good
     documentary about
making a movie.

It was okay, but
     I'm just not cut out to sit
at a desk all day.

You leave a gaping
     hole through whatever happened
to be in your way.

For example, say
     the problem is "My network
connection won't work".

Writing software fast
     doesn't necessarily
yield spaghetti code.

Most of Netscape's code
     got written while burning both
end of the candle.

Nothing would please me
     more than watching the music
industry implode.

And do you really
     want an atrocity like
that on your conscience?

If we were allowed
     to eat our votes nobody
would get elected.

And the second you
     try to cash them in, you are
given even more.

How did we ever
     win a war against such dark
Teutonic science?

I hate guys like you,
     because they make girls think guys
like me are like you.

It makes me feel like
     I'm playing a game, always
out guessing the next.

The rest of us will
     do very well without you
or your opinions.

Neither of us do
     anything for our birthdays,
nor do we care to.

Well, give it a go,
     and if it's no use, at least
you can say you tried.

Nice try Michael Bay.
     How much do you earn in tips
on an average day?

[deleted] Its not
     like I tell them to their face
that they are stupid.

This seriously
     annoys the shit out of me
when people say this.

Generosity,
     in my opinion, is not
inherently good.

She says "It won't light?"
     Walks over, opens the lid,
sticks her head in, and...

You will want a place
     to escape from all the stress
sooner or later.

There are no laws here
     that dictate how fast we can
run on foot, so *HA!

(for people that want
     to help, but are too lazy
to look up that floor).

I didn't understand
     why the humans were such dicks.
Haven't seen chappie.

I don't read Chinese.
     (Or is it Japanese?) No,
thank you. nope, you leave.

We still need to get
     together and get it all
started and laid out.

Why are you butt hurt?
     Does Bethesda pay you or
are you that stupid?

What flavor? If you
     want to learn how to build good
decks, stop building decks.

And having alone
     time is perfectly healthy
and acceptable.

No accusations.
     No inquiry into it.
No formal charges.

Something else: I've found
     that not watching TV has
been a huge time gain.

The guy down the road
     is a lazy criminal
and lives in a shack.

Europe is fading
     into obscurity more
and more every year.

Unfortunately,
     young people like this often
end up in Japan.

And then you will be
     like everyone else ma friend.
"Shit how'd i miss that".

Just imagine, had
     she been alone, she likely
would have died. Scary.

Also, the mineral
     patch location and ramp can
affect where they stack.

Just like the content
     is empty and only there
for website ratings?

I just plain do not
     want to be at work right now
and I want to cry.

Ugh. It's a private
     server, it has every right
to discriminate.

Calling the sandwich
     from that place "a lot of food"
is inaccurate.

Sure, these things that you
     could mysteriously never
find again to quote.

I know she couldn't
     do it on the show, but they're
really worth a watch.

Sadly (or thank God),
     this is nothing specific
to America.

It is a lot more
     nuanced than what you describe.
No, no, no, no, no.

when i lean forward,
     my penis goes completely
inside my body.

Comedy and drug
     use is like pizza and beer
or hookers and blow.

All the light blending
     around you should add a nice
little effect too!

Maybe he is not
     stupid, but he clearly thinks
his followers are.

Most other asians
     can't even tell what I am.
Could not agree more.

When taking public
     transport I usually just
read on my tablet.

My biggest hindrance
     is the fear of learning all
that material.

Its like when you flick
     that spring thing that stops your door
from hitting a wall.

You will of course be
     beaten into submission
and possibly killed.

I asked my dad if
     Hemingway wanted us all
to jump off bridges.

Like the KKK
     guy who was killed with kindness
by an old black man.

Forgetting these points
     are almost definitely
why it was removed.

Thanks again!! I'd line
     my lock up with your hole, if
you know what I mean.

You say you don't think
     in black and white but it sure
sounds like that to me.

The difference between
     eugenics for cows, pigs, corn,
dogs, etc.

I notice almost
     every thing you've submitted
is from Canada.

This category
     could also include babies
in incubators.

I'm pretty sure "Just
     Do It." translates pretty well
in most languages.

Now if only they'd
     just open source the damn thing
and be done with it.

I know it's said all
     the time, but I really don't
find implants sexy.

They can take credit
     for your successes but blame
you for your failures.

You seem terribly
     uneducated about
cycles of history.

Yeah, I could try, but
     I wouldn't be able to.
Subscription required.