Reddit Haikus

Either YOU want or
     YOU don't. And honestly, fuck
that drama shit, man.

Go on... I can't wait
     for the golden suggestions
you come up with next.

None of those things are
     controversies, you made Glenn
Beck a millionaire.

Putting them in jail
     with murderers and rapists
is protecting them?

Don't even know who
     the hell this guy is, nor did
I claim to write this.

I might as well be
     efficient in at least *one*
aspect of my life.

He's part black part white.
     Not part Palestinian.
Somebody explain?

If it's a former
     pet this process would probably
be much easier.

I think someone needs
     to tie you up to your bed
and fuck your brains out!!

Yes, YES!! THE STARS ARE
     FINALLY RIGHT! HE SLEEPS NO
LONGER what on earth?

I'm not bias towards
     either though, I like 'em both.
Indeed it is so.

What if the party
     that represents your interests
IS the third party?

and play as I play.
     They're definitely *better*,
but not night and day.

As soon as I was
     done I was ready to get
the other side done.

I'd be embarrassed
     to parade a cussing child
around as my date.

Do you think you earn
     points for not needing a man
while looking for one?

the the one above
     to the left of the photo
that really strikes me.

However, once you
     register to vote and don't
you are being dumb.

I couldn't stand them.
     But after, I needed it.
Why? Food lost its taste.

Fun fact, remember
     that diamond ring he bought his
wife a few years back?

Damn it. I now know
     how I will more than likely
spend my Friday night.

Then do something you've
     always wanted to do, but
kept putting if off.

It's just with certain
     people or at certain times
when it bothers me.

i just said that yeah,
     there's a distinction between
race and religion.

All reform will fail
     because the politicians
will resist reform**.

Look a bit more off
     the cuff. Rather than. Rehearsed.
Even if it does.

It's perfectly fine
     to think that ethnic groups should
have their own country.

How much would it cost?
     What would I need to do this?
What would be my range?

That thing that christians
     call "the spirit inside you",
I call common sense.

Sometimes my jaw will
     hurt bad enough that it hurts
to swallow or talk.

Today is the first
     day of the rest of your life.
And the last day too.

I have a small fan
     that I keep going while I'm
sleeping all year round.

More commenting on
     how painfully generic
most of that is. What.

In which case forget
     I even said that. I, too,
hope that Glee does this.

The best part for me
     is watching him do something,
and being like, "Oh!

Some cultures are more
     materialistic than
others, that's for sure.

I don't remember
     what I was talking about.
[Din Tai Fung restaurant.

How long does it take
     around to recover from
that kind of transplant?

At least, this is what
     you tell him so he will drive
all the time. Good girl.

Essentially, they're
     using this POS game to test
drive their new engine.

Smoke much pot? To be
     fair, it wasn't looking good
for him anyway...

They're undefeated
     for now, so we can still hope.
Those people don't count.

Yes, and those signs need
     to have a particular
'shelf life' if you will.

All of the groups are
     business friendly, or at least
try to seem that way.

sorry for your loss.
     I can't imagine what you
must be going through.

I will not make God
     my crutch, not when He gave me
perfectly good feet.

By music, I mean
     several instruments layered
and with percussion?

My house has hardwood,
     and bedrooms, but they're messy.
Like, *really* messy.

I like to be cold
     when I sleep so it can be
somewhat troublesome.

I played through on hard
     too, that game was way too damn
easy on normal.

Then I'll make you nice
     and comfortable and wash
the dishes for you!

Muslim law does not
     apply in the Netherlands;
No double standard.

Getting married is
     cool, but getting married is
not for everyone.

Remember that hot
     redhead that you could have fucked?
I sure as shit do.

That strategy seems
     completely legit to me.
How is it cheating?

So I cut the wires
     to the speaker. True story.
ABOUT TIME!!! No way.

The more questions you
     answer the more accurate
your matches will be.

and by that i mean
     the fact that people actually
have to pay for it.

Suddenly, culture
     becomes far more interesting
than technology.

Even little things
     like eating fast food every
day add up BIG TIME.

All I have. did you
     click on the link or did you
view it embedded?

Priceless. [deleted]
     Wow, great picture. What camera
and lens did you use?

Every time I do,
     I feel this overwhelming
spiritual presence.

with that said, i think
     Israel should be more concerned
with the world powers.

I think that there is
     one ultimate cause we serve
by doing good: life.

The Fender Rhodes has
     one of the most awesomely
dark sounds in keyboards.

Changing the version
     you're running for your card can
totally fuck you.

Fatties ARE stupid,
     but it doesn't make smoking
any less stupid.

If this is the way
     your society works, who
am I to complain?

Perhaps offering more
     places in STEM subjects than
say, Fine Art History.

Guts! I love getting
     people to read that story.
They hate me for it.

They're pretty cute, but
     Socks won't let me touch them D:
Lisa needs braces[.

There will always be
     people who want to help those
who can't help themselves.

I'm kind of surprised
     that people have a hard time
determining this.

I'm in my early
     30s and am starting to age
out of my current style.

If one of them gets
     ejected from a bar, it's
because of their race.

And now I know. Thanks!
     /Thumbs up! But that didn't... I mean
I asked two different...

In class in 8th
     grade, we had a new teacher
straight out of college.

And X on her hand
     referring to she isn't
old enough to drink?

The original
     copy of the game maybe
froze three times on me.

How many times are
     we going to have this thread?
No lawyers. No cops.

I'm sorry to hear
     about your tragic taste bud
accident, good sir.

Stranded copper wire
     is about the easiest
thing I can think of.

Especially with poop
     or puddles, dogs can tell theirs
from others by smell.

Every other time,
     he would hide, even before
I would say the 'word'.

Anyone ever
     notice that in photos back
then, they never smiled?

actually, it's my fault
     for not making sure of how
we should 'define' God.

You have time enough
     to find a partner you want
to spend your life with.

calm the fuck down dude?
     how are you contributing
at all to this thread?

one of the smaller
     guys there was the only one
who confronted him.

In retrospect, best
     thing I ever did... Good luck...
did you even go?

It's not like you "burn
     forever" just because you're
not nice to others.

You have the choice, but
     you will consider how **he**
will feel about it.

A whale born into
     entrapment, must suck hardcore
for it. Like so much.

Plus, the star options
     gives you hours and hours of fun
trying to beat your scores.

It's multicolored
     though, but I'm glad my friends don't
own any of those.

That sounds a lot like....
     Ugh it's so obvious, should
I even bother?

If all they have left
     is crime, what do you think they'll
do once they get out?

Heroine. I didn't
     want to delete it because
someone responded.

Methodologies
     are available if you
drill down in the links.

'Course the next question
     is, are you sure you just don't
like being alone?

It was like he thought
     he was wearing a cape, trying
to be a hero.

This is precisely
     why I cannot stand people
who say they're random.

Middle and upper
     classes of any race don't
rob liquor stores. Why?

I'll pull shit like, if
     you didn't want me around you
could have just said it.

[deleted] Yeah, that's
     what I was afraid of. Yeah.
I mean I'll try it.

Found it. Went to muse.
     Jumped over tiny people
to get to the front.

Jumped over tiny
     people to get to the front.
Rocked out. Shit was cash.

I mean, look at how
     irresponsibly some cops
handle their weapons.

They flushed their toilets
     with what? Clean drinking water?
Idiots.. shakes head.

But do **not**, under
     any circumstances, try
to bring in fake piss.

When seconds matter,
     police are minutes away,
every single time.

People talking may
     be largely "worthless" but it's
at least a first step.

Every time she did
     the teacher just glared at her
ever more harshly.

they must acknowledge
     that other people deserve
to keep what they earn.

You're screwed. It makes sense,
     but it will really clobber
the banks' balance sheets.

I'm well read on this,
     but I haven't yet actually
tried any of it...

Benny Hill theme song...
     [deleted] That's it. I am
leaving for Sweden.

This extension does
     exactly what I wanted.
Please walk me through this.

Depending upon
     your income level legal
aide might help you out.

Not very fancy,
     not high technology, not
very expensive.

lung cancer does not
     give a shit how many times
you work out a week.

I don't really want
     people like you making those
decisions for me.

When I got it, turns
     out insurance doesn't pay
for any of it.

The girl next to him
     finds it disgusting, and pukes
all over her desk.

When I was in high
     school I always thought I'd wait
till I was married.

Oh yeah, those things are
     definitely infected.
No doubt about it.

You are probably right.
     Two stubborn people, I guess.
I'll give it a try.

I almost never
     drink alcohol (and only
in small quantities).

The girl I sat next
     to always circled every
"it" in my papers.

Nothing's wrong honey.
     You're just one of a zillion
girls who like bad boys.

Have the pepper spray
     ready before the suspect
gets agitated.

"...anyways you're not
     the only one who doesn't
cry at these at all.

a job wouldn't be
     the first thing on my mind if
my face looked like that.

Unreadable text.
     Answers to the name River.
Dog's name is Fido.

It's a mechanic
     for practicing a fight or
just screwing around.

If that cop wanted
     to he would have fucked that guy
over pretty hard.

The driver support
     is one of the things that was
making me wonder.

I wasn't there, but
     this is a story I heard
from a friend at Brown.

C'mon! We have food
     options you wouldn't believe,
don't frequent chains, please!

quit that logic shit.
     I forgot you can rename
weapons now. Sergeant.

And if solid state
     disks come into fashion soon,
they will look different.

Fuck free enterprise
     and those asshole employers.
Oh, and where's my job?

You may even want
     to get a vibrating egg
for some extra spice.

The observation
     about the closed captioning
is very helpful.

Never thought I would
     say that about marriage, but
there you go. Okay.

Individual
     acts of terrorism are
very uncommon.

It makes for a good
     hot pad too for something right
out of the oven.

Okay. I'm gonna
     let you in on a secret.
I make 5k a year.

This is exactly
     what I was going to say!
Prodigy was dope.

The only... there's one
     IN THE SHOT man. I agree,
thank goodness for guns.

Candy corn is loved
     as much as black licorice.
This guy knows what's up.

Mind blown. MOLE. MOLE. MOLE.
     MOLE. What if he doesn't care
that much about sex?

Stuff like low or high
     appetite, how well do you
sleep, etc.

Reading doesn't just
     involve reading the surface
meaning of the words.

This girl in the class,
     in a perfect deadpan voice:
"No pun intended?"

But you just assumed
     I was lying. Turns out you
were an idiot.

Looks like a melting
     ice cream cone, with huge ankles.
Try eating some meat.

I don't see why you
     would want to present more than
your honest concerns.

My intention was
     also to search for a job
there at the same time.

It never fails, huh?
     Fortunately, I played both
Floyd and Gates today.

Are you using some
     sort of a custom skin pack,
or the default one?

Penelope Trunk
     is a crappy ass writer
and business person.

It's not that hard. Well,
     if you got her pregnant, she'll
probably let you know.

That actually wouldn't
     be very funny at all;
that would piss me off.

To be judgmental
     is not fair without knowing
more information.

It happens a lot
     now, because so many jobs
are being "outsourced".

If life could just give
     you cigars, steak and women
there would be NO wars.

Not all projects are
     like that but it feels like it's
more than half of them.

[deleted] The sky
     would turn green and the buildings
would glow black? That's true.

So for April Fools
     Day we completely covered
his desk in condoms.

If your credit card
     site says they have the payment,
then you should be fine.

When you got a fire
     department paid by taxes,
all fires are battled.

Not yet a human,
     just as a chicken EGG is
not yet a chicken.

It's so terrible
     I don't blame you for being
confused about it.

It was a dumb thing
     to say and you should feel bad
for having said it.

If you point that out
     to them and don't respond well,
they're not worth your time.

Nevertheless, it's
     certainly not limited
by real resources.

He loved it so much
     that he took it without me
really noticing.

less stretching) and fit
     better than any brand name
undershirts I've tried.

Bad response, "I love
     how you make me feel like I'm
not about to shit".

I like sensitive
     lips and the line of the jaw
where it meets the neck.

I like the soft skin
     that crosses between hipbones,
below the navel.

The 'girls only rule'
     or 'one penis policy'
drives me up the wall.

If these rules make you
     and your partner happy then
more power to you.

I get shivers just
     thinking of going to bed
without Mary Jane.

Let's Go Red Wings Yeah,
     having floors in your house is
pretty important.

Sometimes "pussy" *should*
     be on a pedestal-- it's
called loving someone.

Go see a doctor.
     Well thank god they have liberals
to look after them.

I think that it may
     be my favorite performance
I've seen on Conan.

I feel like it's not
     *quite* the same as the one from
the game, but oh well.

Why would I only
     believe in God when things are
going well for me?!

He does pretty much
     anything else like trimming
and power washing.

Precedent is what
     we are talking about here
and it cuts both ways.

On the contrary,
     he was always quite gentle
with a quiet smile.

Personally I would
     have left after he asked you
to throw your toys out.

That's "should have GONE." But
     I guess that's just how you speak
over in Jersey.

I'm assuming you
     need, at least, to know your way
around the language?

That should give you just
     enough time to keep it from
being crystal clear.

college) and I would
     not be the person I am
today without them.

I thought the other
     side of the street was Scotland
(where my mom is from).