Reddit Haikus

Time the one timer,
     and you can get a great shot
or a broken stick.

This is bologna.
     You can ignore the problem
and you'll go away.

I am already
     terrified and want to run
out of here screaming.

Thanks. I have taken
     points out and this and will build
some steps around that.

This phone was only
     one half step above a god
damned rotary phone!!!

Now you have a large
     slush fund and your problem is
hiding the money.

Always, ALWAYS tip
     the delivery driver;
they know where you live.

And people want more
     torture, more "security",
more "support the troops".

He's felt guilt I'm sure
     about introducing you
to his asshole friend.

Because that is what
     you are really doing when
you go to your job.

The flippin' National
     Cathedral. [deleted] Nope,
5th of August.

Because if it is,
     it's a fucking pathetic
attempt at humor.

A little soak would
     be okay, but anything
more would destroy them.

Need to get out there
     and meet new people to put
all that growth to use!

Fasting from sunrise
     to sunset is not that bad
as you think it is.

Fuck if I can save
     up enough money I am
out of this country.

They start to muddle
     together after awhile.
Do curls while jogging.

Thanks for the warning.
     Now I won't buy that game. What?
I ready own it?

My god, I would love
     to be choked to death between
those delicious thighs.

No, it's "WE'RE REQUIRED
     BY LAW TO DO THIS IN NEW
ZEALAND." *Hannibal*.

You may also want
     to consider a different
type of birth control.

If I said I golfed
     and wanted her to golf would
you say the same thing?

Definitely not
     the cheapest solution but
I think it'd work.

Governing is not
     the same as theorizing
about governing.

Your choices are gain
     muscle then lose fat or lost
fat then gain muscle.

I find that it cuts
     down on how oily my face
is when I wake up.

Throughout the day I've
     made it my goal to not touch
my face, not at all!

despite your belief
     voting above the line is
voting properly!

Probably does a bit
     more than you want but it's great
at organizing.

China sold US bond
     expecting treasury yield
hit bottom in June.

Kisses on that ass.
     Damn For most abilities,
smart casting is used.

I have the utmost
     respect for players who reach
the top of their game.

Says the dude using
     the internet who loves weed
and video games.

IT MAKES TYPING MORE
     INTENSE. Why in the same hell
did you take the tests?

John C. Reilly felt
     kind of put out after that.
happily married.

It's a crock. You are
     dating a dishonest guy
who is gaming you.

I probably wouldn't
     have understood, truthfully,
if they were explained.

I bought my camera,
     and I use it to capture
moments of my life.

Contact us! And if
     violence can't solve it, you're
not using enough.

I once had a pill
     fall into the sink and get
really, really gross.

Your main points are all
     probably right on the money.
Though I wish they weren't.

Now for some of you
     out there who aren't programmers.
You may not get this.

They do however
     charge a small fee for IRA's
which is expected.

That camera is more
     intimidating than most
photographers know.

implies that he hopes
     there is still more penis than
the length they removed.

I'm loving it more
     than any other book I've
read in a long time.

If she's made it clear
     that it's over, what else is
he supposed to do?

You're on to something.
     That's because she lost the weight
she had for the show.

It was a very
     smug "i don't own a TV"
comment in disguise.

Shit. Through the jawbone,
     out the opposite cheek. Might live.
If not, fuck you guys.

You know, since they killed
     hundreds and hundreds of them
in the Holocaust.

[deleted] I saw
     the light on the Squirrel Hill
tunnel turn red once.

It is one of if
     not *the* best lifts for upper
back development.

Good morning sunshine.
     How many times have you prayed
to allah today?

It looks like moist clay
     which is never the best choice
for pieces like this.

Don't care for handbags.
     But I didn't blink when I wrote
the check for my Porsche...

This is making me
     giggle uncontrollably.
Good point Wow, really?

It was funny right
     up till someone wrote "No Pie"
under the picture.

Tell your grandchildren.
     Not sure about shiny, but
wo dong. Holy shit.

God I hate that man.
     I'd recommend Ibanez
if you're playing lead.

Also, I was stung
     by an insect yesterday.
In my left armpit.

So the editor
     called back the sender and said
"it's not big enough.

I can't tell. You keep
     assuming that your words are
even relevant.

Not everyone is
     comfortable with buying
used clothes from thrift stores.

Didn't we honey?" You
     could reply with something like
"You're damn right, baby.

I'm continuing
     to search, and will update if
I see anything.

Petition local
     politicians to pass laws,
start the ball rolling.

(you and your former
     boss) How did you get the job
and what was your job?

ask them to go wash
     your car or go pick up clothes
from the dry cleaners.

I'm guess you got hit
     and burned before you were done
making your sandwich.

Seems like the guy bumped
     you because he wanted you
to find the pictures.

Try to figure out
     where the pictures were taken,
and go to the cops.

A friend sent me here.
     Work has suddenly become
much harder to do.

Something that really
     helped me (from ages 18-now) was
going on the pill.

Tell him I expect
     the checks to arrive by next
week at the latest.

What do they hear you
     saying, and how does it all
add up in their head?

b) Even if you
     physically don't need it, try
taking an ED pill.

The deceit is far
     more upsetting than the sex.
absolutely Not.

If someone strikes you
     on the right cheek, turn to him
the other also.

I'm going to Salt
     Lake and maybe Reno, but
sadly, not Oakland.

I keep it in there
     all the time and take it out
for when i need it.

Religions are not
     monolithic entities
that "do" certain things.

Can someone explain
     why this figure wasn't laughed
out of the courtroom?

They'd just sit around
     while I told them what to do.
It was amazing.

Indeed, what better
     source for a self serving law
than the "voice of god"?

Depending on how
     old KNAUS is, a quarter pound
wasn't that much weed.

So just think about
     sex at all times and you will
be very happy.

How do religious
     conversations usually
go in Australia?

I wonder who is
     the closest we have to Scott
Stevens currently.

I thought Fosters was
     the only beer you all had
in the down under.

I couldn't afford
     to be an alcoholic
with my taste in booze.

loads of people know
     how much of a character
actor John Wayne was.

You could go even
     higher and say "fuck proteins,
let's model whole cells".

A cell doesn't die
     if a single atom fails
to reach its target.

After reading you
     post, I plan to avoid all
people who can read.

Fuck. This clarifies
     quite a bit. I feel informed.
More like Predator.

Beware of adding
     your own assumptions of why
the driver acted.

Looney midwife claims
     aside, is there anything
wrong with using one?

Stop treating women
     like princesses if they fail
to treat you like KINGS.

I find that I spend
     most of my day waiting on
the linker these days...

Jesus is the one
     true Messiah, all other
*religions* are false.

No. Those booms and busts
     follow no predetermined
pattern or order.

=D Hallowed ground now!
     Does that make them hallowed strip
clubs and McDonalds?

Seriously though
     this is stupidest fucking
thing I've ever heard.

I think I better
     try to talk him down. Peter?
Peter (on phone): Yeah..?

President Jimmy
     Carter: How long ago did
you take it, Peter?

Do you have any
     Allman Brothers? Peter (on
phone): Yes, I do, sir.

Peter (on phone): Yes,
     I do, sir. Everything is
okay, huh Jimmy?

I live in about
     as Christian a place as you
can live in the US.

Yeah, I bet people
     like taxi drivers really
get pissed at you. Sam?

Beck is on there, same
     as Billy Sheehan, Doug E.
Fresh, etc.

Oh, and when you buy
     the ticket, you put her name
as the passenger.

You say you can tell
     that she's losing attraction,
but I think you're wrong.

I got a book called
     Atheism: The Case Against
God by George H. Smith.

Good times. I refuse
     to believe that New Orleans
is really that dark.

Sober, I can't shoot
     myself past mannequins let
alone play the game.

It makes me sneeze, makes
     my nose run, etc.
But I still do it.

And why do people
     always denounce the strip club
like it's something bad?

It's pretty easy
     to see ALL of them just by
hiking around, right?

Do you think I need
     some kind of virtual dos
program to run this?

So you are saying
     their opinions aren't a big
fat contradiction?

Oh boy! I might be
     able to play it within
my lifetime! Is it?!

Can I strike it rich
     or did you already get
all the big pieces?

LOL because
     he knows it's not politically
possible right now.

That somebody thinks
     criticism and humor
are condescending.

Except that Church is
     the last name of the guy who
started the franchise.

Don't say kill Hitler
     and ask Jenny to the prom!
Everyone does that.

For Europeans,
     much of the very coolest
stuff is in the west.

Please reconsider
     moving here if you're into
killing small children.

It looks like they are
     not even trying anymore.
10:52a reporting in.

Otherwise you'll risk
     losing the use of your car
until you're paid up.

I've noticed despite
     how tough they act, they often
have really thin skin.

Directed by M.
     Night..... Oh forget it. That's just
one big red herring.

But obviously
     (wow), you meant it. Do you see
the disconnect yet?

She's a terrorist.
     Call Homeland Security.
Your recipe please?

This wouldn't even
     come up if elections were
publicly funded.

We might not think those
     differences are important,
but maybe she does.

That said, I can't wait
     for 'meaningful' football games
to start! I like him.

One of my biggest
     regrets was not following
up and doing it.

Even when they are
     recorded very little
happens, usually.

Just speculation
     at this point with the data
going either way.

As OK as you'd
     be if a huge foot came through
the roof of your house.

Linen always has
     the lowest defense rating
you dill weed. Agreed.

I fell on some ice
     and later got thawed out by
some of your scientists.

Gotta stop reading
     when I see broken windows.
Nice try, Mountain Dew.

Thank you very much.
     I didn't expect a thorough
response so quickly.

Cabbies lock the doors
     drive up to you and ask you
where you are going.

It happened to be
     flown by a father whose young
kids were next to him.

Just tell what you want
     expanded and I will give
you an example.

Reward them every
     time they program in a real
language like Python!

They're not pretty, but
     once you get the hang of it,
it's damn functional.

Most Americans
     have a week or two of paid
leave per year, if that.

Compare to now when
     you're lucky if there is one
funny sketch per show.

Look at your pilot.
     Now back at me. i want both.
my story is straight.

Actually if you take
     off the shift, the symbol keys
don't respond to caps.

[deleted] Dammit
     Doc, you need to stop coming
to these photo shoots.

Okay.. I really
     just want to understand you,
so bare with me here.

If this is true then
     screw her and I hope she was
stranded there all day.

But we should have them
     beat in a month or two* Pee
your pants and tear up.

Now we just sit back
     and wonder if life really
is out there at all.

I would. You yourself
     said that the technology
couldn't do that though.

The fact is that if
     the Times did that, Fox would most
likely report it.

Right being wrong, wrong
     being right, etc.
Outside of that, NO!

Just because something
     has crab meat in it doesn't
mean it's a crab cake.

These little valves would
     *freeze* the shock when the car is
tilting or rolling.

I can't wait to show
     this to all the girls I know
who drool after him.

Problem solved. Have you
     ever smelled rotten flowers,
they are not so sweet.

I'm talking they pray
     before work that the day will
go well type Christian.

That is the difference.
     so, it's Henry who's going
to eat her, is it?

I shouldn't only
     use my hand? Use water too?
Seriously though.

There's probably a way
     to do it, but I haven't
figured it out yet.

Beatrice did not look
     like she was having fun when
she woke up down there.

Seriously, there
     isn't a single cogent
argument from Beck.

Correct. And it is
     awesome if his parents won't
pay for the ticket.

There are so many
     nontraditional families
in the US today.

I found a colored
     paper clip mixed in amongst
the regular ones.

True. So why do you
     advocate a government
middle man, again?

If I had a girl
     that did that for me I'd be
weeping tears of joy.

absolutely none.
     yet people are up in arms
about it. what gives?

Or in some cases,
     they attempt to, but don't do
as good of a job.

Weak atheism is
     *not* making the knowledge claim
that gods *do* exist.

Samurai TV
     Repairman. Fucking rich white
male scum! Hide your food.

True. They also do
     not include all the horrid
stuff made by science.

Ask him if the first
     part of his last name "Lund" is
in Urdu Language.

[deleted] You keep
     assuming that your words are
even relevant.

Went to canada
     last week and got searched going
into canada.

Everyone i know
     that has a 3G and iOS4
has problems with it.

[deleted] I shot
     in some random direction
underneath my desk.

Like that other mosque
     that was there before the world
trade center. Oh wait!

it seems like that would
     be more work than to just run
the hose around it?

Sorry but I'm not
     sure I could hurry with you
in that position.

Any tips? Do you
     believe missionary work
is altruistic?

Text messages are
     only when I'm really on
the run. Am I old?

It's a tough question,
     and it depends on what is
important to you.

I was too wasted
     to care to see if she had
looked back. whoa. awesome.

They say they say "What
     you want to hear" but that is
actually not the truth.

We are flaming you
     because you flamed him for his
trivial mistake.

Unless you mean you
     would sign if you knew it would
work out, I sure would.

There is no British
     accent, but there also is
no English accent.

Why would you increase
     the taxes on the rich if
that logic didn't work?

Private industry
     is only more efficient
when it has to be.